My Valentines & An Afternoon Down by the River

Taken Valentine's Day- Norah wearing a sweet little number sent to her by her Nana Freeman as a V-day gift. Miss Norah is growing so fast!

 She has a sweet little voice, and an infectious laugh. I love her to the moon and back, of course.

One Saturday, we all decided to go for a walk down by the river. There is a neat little park down there that Norah quite enjoys. The park play surface is padded so Norah can run a play without scuffing up her little elbows and knees too badly. And Daddy is always near by to lend a helping hand should she need one.

Chewing on the swing. ((...cringe...)) She was cutting yet ANOTHER tooth! She's not as picky about her teething toys as I wish she would be. :)

She is 16 months old... sigh. Tick. Tick. Tick... time marches on.

Norah Jayne - 15 Months

My Daughter

Guest post by: Kirk Marshall

My daughter Norah, whom most of you know from the various photographs taken of her wearing ostentatious head-gear, is by far the most significant and wonderful thing I’ve ever had a part in creating. She is gorgeous, charming, smart, funny, energetic, cute and (you’ll have to forgive the effusive praise) the greatest thing in the rather immense history of things.

On those days that start out bad, continue bad, and threaten to end bad, all I have to do to cheer the darkening doom is imagine my classroom door opening and Norah teetering energetically and inquisitively into the room with her giant eyes dancing and her fists clenched expectantly. Presumably, she is either impersonating an inebriated dinosaur or she is prepared to spar with some diminutive pugilist. In a moment of unspeakable joy, she realizes that she has just entered a room that I occupy. Her glowing eyes light up more. Her face flexes into a crooked, spasmodic smile. She wrinkles her nose and shouts, “Da-da-da!” Sometimes she just babbles breathlessly. She is so clearly thrilled that the next few moments are to be shared with me that it:

• melts me into a puddle of emotional gibberish so that I crawl (matching her chaotic glee) as fast as I can, so I can hug her, kiss her, and tickle her,
• braces me to face any possible situation or trial because she believes in me, even though she has no idea what “believing in me” means or what on earth it is she’s believing in me to do,
• reminds me of the joy that can be found in loving someone without reserve,
• totally minimizes that awful, wafting poop-smell.

Just yesterday, Norah spent fifteen minutes standing right in front of me marveling at how I was blowing bubbles with my bubble gum. Every time I blew one, she would tentatively grab or poke at it, sometimes successfully popping it and pulling strands of purple gum toward her own mouth. Other times, the bubble would pop on its own and she would watch intently as I dabbed the residue off my chin, chewed, and reloaded for another bubble. She would turn her head and lean in for closer scrutiny. She wanted so desperately to make her own bubbles that she began to make smacking and popping noises with her own mouth.

One thing that Norah hasn’t figured out is that I’m the funny one, not Mommy. I say the most droll things to her and I get only a strange smile. When Mommy does her Excited-For-No-Apparent-Reason Dance (which involves kicking, hopping, and completely losing  all dignity), Norah gets hysterical. She runs in place and spins gracelessly, and the two of them, in what seems to be a rare display of spastic upmanship, eventually devolve into heathen flailing and chanting.
Also, as scads of nieces and nephews can aver, my tickle skills are unparalleled. But Norah only manages a condescending chuckle when the trademark Ticklebug (t) emerges to attack her. However, when Mommy tickles her, she has joy-seizures (I call dibs on Joy Seizures as a band name).

“What does a puppy say, Norah?” usually gets the correct(-ish) response of “Woo! Woo! Woo!” from our young savant. We quickly realized that monkeys also say “Woo! Woo! Woo!” only a semi-tone higher and with a slightly more impish look in the eye. Cows say, “Wooo! Wooo!” (moderately lower and more prolonged), if the topic of farm animals ever arises in our casual conversation. One of the few animal vocabularies that Norah has mastered that does not consist of words in the Woo variety is that of the snake. When asked, “What does a s-s-s-snake say?” Norah generally hisses. Sometimes her hisses can be a bit gurgly, as if the snake in question is using a straw to noisily finish off a Big Gulp.

I’m not sure if this post will be published before or after Thanksgiving. In Florida, the Marshall family traditionally participated in ‘Bama Bowl with the Churchill family on Thanksgiving evening. My brother and I are unforgivably excited about this year’s inaugural Hilltop Bowl, which will feature some promising rookies. Norah is pretty low on the depth-chart, but I’d like to see her get a few downs under her belt. She’s been practicing open-field running in our living room. You should have seen the balance she showed to stay on her feet and keep going after that hit that the ottoman put on her - truly remarkable footwork! I think we can convince whomever our quarterback is to dump it off to her in the flat to see if she can break a tackle or two and pick up positive yardage. On the defensive side, she’s sure to be pass rusher, most likely from an inside position like nose-tackle. A month ago, cousin Cole was riding some form of toy car through Nana’s living room. Norah came from the blind side and completely upended the car - with Cole on it - using sheer brute strength. And, in her own living room, she is the queen of the blitz. If she sees Daddy kneeling or sitting, he is dead meat. Yesterday, I was completely lying down and she still came in hard with the power-rush, leading with the head. She should have been flagged for a late-hit personal foul, but the referee was checking Facebook.

*Note: Since beginning writing this, Hilltop Bowl has come and gone. Norah elected only to observe and cheer from the playroom window. Uncle Matt can thank his lucky stars.

Only recently, Norah has shown an increased interest in books. She lets Mommy or Daddy finish entire books in one sitting without wrenching them from our grasp to chew on. Her go-to reads are You Are Special by Max Lucado, Bunny My Honey by Anita Jeram, and Harry the Dirty Dog by Gene Zion (the last one isn’t really one she’ll get off the shelf on her own, but if I ignore her choices long enough, she’s bound to get that one eventually). She prefers those custom books in which we supply photographs of family or her as a baby and she always gets a kick out of books that have pictures of puppies. Whenever I try to read a Daddy book, she wants to get on my lap and help me turn pages. It’s difficult to articulate the differences in structural integrity between the thin paper of Daddy books and the thick cardboard of Norah books.  But I love that she loves books. She’ll play for a pretty long time in her room alone with various toys, but eventually, there will be a long quiet period. When I go by to check on her, she’ll often be standing quietly by her books making a selection.

I loved books when I was little, but I loved stuffed animals more. I can’t even begin to describe the odd nature of my stuffed-animal-play-time growing up. Well, I can begin: It was called Animal Baseball, and it’s everything it sounds like and way, way more (including running statistics for entire seasons). Norah is developing quite an entourage of stuffed buddies. Currently, her favorites are Ted (Jodi refers to him as Ted E. Bear, but I refer to him as Ted E. Sheringham), Wralph Wrinkles, and Tuppy the Puppy. All three of these occupy her bed right now, and, when she wakes up in the morning, she likes to converse with them.

Having a child is so many things to me and I’m grateful for each of those. But one of those things stands out to me: Having a child is rejoicing in the things you love about childhood through the eyes of your child. This is one of my prayers for my daughter:  God, thank you for the joy of Norah - the joy she brings to us and the joy with which she lives her life. Help me to live my life with child-like joy that brings joy to others, so they can know the true Source of joy.

Norah Jayne - 13 Months

Norah Jayne's First Birthday

We celebrated Norah's birthday on Saturday, October 15, which was EARLY... So, in order to bring balance back to the universe, I am posting her party pictures LATE. 

And (of course) that is the ONLY reason. It isn't like I forgot about it or anything...

Norah's first birthday party was so much fun for me to plan. It was surreal though. I kept thinking, I can't believe I am planning MY child's first birthday party! 

As far as the theme and decor goes, I looked online for inspiration; the www did not disappoint. I saw this lovely strawberry themed birthday party and fell in l.o.v.e. with the idea.

I decided to go cheap and make my own decor, so I set to work. 

I wanted to try my hand at making a custom pennant banner. I bought my fabric and then went online and printed off the alphabet letters: N, O, R, A, and H to use as templates. I traced each letter onto the pink and red gingham fabric, and then, I cut them out and sewed them on to the burlap triangles. After that, I took alternating strips of the red and pink gingham and tied them onto a piece of twine. Then, using mini wooden cloths pins, I attached the burlap pennants to the twine. Ta-Da! (Sorry, Jeremy!)

I found a free strawberry template online and used it and some cute paper from the craft store to make strawberry cutouts for the banner and table decor.


I bought plain labels from Michael's and then personalized them for treat bags and drink bottle labels.




Another project I worked on was this little dress. 
It was my first experience making a dress of any kind. It's sort of like a pillow case dress except that it was not made from a pillow case and I didn't use a pattern. I did consult this tutorial for a general idea of where to start.

Oh, and I also learned how to do shirring! 
It is not as difficult as I thought it would be. Here is a great tutorial.

No dress is complete without the appropriate head gear...

So, I made this BIG red, pink, white and green strawberrylicious bow! I used this tutorial to make the ribbon strawberry that is in the center of the bow.

 

We decided to have the birthday party at Sharon Woods. We love that park and Norah and I go there often. It is just a beautiful place to spend the day.


The Menu:
Grilled Hamburgers with fixin's
Baked Beans
Chips
Strawberry Crush
Water
Annnnnd.... Strawberry PIE! ♥


My mother in law, Sherilyn, makes the BEST strawberry pie in the world. Not joking.
Sherilyn made 12 mini pies and one large pie for the party. They were scrumptious.

Funny story... neither Kirk nor I had ever used a charcoal grill, so we had a bit of trouble. (I nearly lost my eyebrows.) Thankfully Uncle Scott saved the day with his mad grilling skills! 

Norah really enjoyed her pie. She even "shared" a little with mommy (she smeared cool whip all over my face). 
She was not too fond of the balloons, however. She had a bit of a meltdown over them. So sad, but kind of funny too. ♥  

And of course there were gifts... thank you all. ♥ 
She loves EVERYTHING.

 

The PEOPLE that came to help us celebrate made the day extra special: Nana and Papaw Marshall, Aunt Ashley, Uncle Scott and Cole, Aunt Jennifer, Zach, Jake, and Ellie, Beth, Jon and Aviah, Liz and Ava, Emilie, Jeremy and Annabel Leach. Thank you all for coming!

Speaking of the people, I failed to get pictures of everyone.
I should have at least got one with all the kids... 
Oh poop poughkeepsie! 
However, if it were not for Aunt Jennifer and Aunt Ashley, there are many of these pictures that I wouldn't have.  
So, a hearty Thank You to Aunt Jennifer and Aunt Ashley for helping take pictures!


It was a fun day, glitches and all. 
Happy Birthday, Tootsie!

Silence

Silence: The condition or quality of being or keeping still and silent.

This picture has nothing to do with this post... ♥

I have been thinking about silence. More specifically, I have been wondering why I am so uncomfortable with it. Why is it hard for me to just be?
Last night I found myself on my front porch enjoying a few moments of doing nothing. Just sitting there. No baby. No husband. No cell phone. No Internet. No ipod. Nothing. Just me and my thoughts.
 It wasn't more than a few minutes before I started thinking of something that I COULD be doing WHILE enjoying my moments of leisure:

• Facebook
• Blog reading
• Watching the next episode of________
• Chatting on the phone

You get it.


Harmless right? These things are the spice of life. The additives.
They are to life what ketchup is to pot roast.
Sweet and zingy- and totally unnecessary.


So, I was just getting ready to go inside to get my cell phone, but I stopped myself.
I decided to just soak up the beautiful evening "as is" without any additives.


You should probably know that I am constantly making lists both literally and mentally.
I've got:

• my prayer list
• the Norah list
• the Kirk list
• a running grocery list
• the bill list (what's due and when)
• my appointment list
• my fake wish list (warm cozy socks and world peace)
• my REAL wish list (this awesome lens and a girdle that "hides" around 75 lbs.)
• the fix-it list
• the housework list
• my self-improvement list
• my personal goals list
• my bad habits (which I hope to someday overcome) list
• my regret list (Currently at the top: "Why did I share my girdle wish with the www?")
• my reading list 

My point is this: I had just added another chore to one of my many lists.


This is how it went:


Inhale.
Note the pleasant coolness of the smokey breeze. 
Exhale


Inhale
Note the pretty glow from the jack-o-lanterns on the porch.
Exhale.


Ok! Scribble. Scribble. Scribble.
(That was me scratching: Enjoy the beautiful evening "as is" off my to-do list.)


Now that, THAT'S done... on to something else!


When did it become a chore to listen to the skittering leaves as they wash across the street?
When did this cloak become uncomfortable and ill fitting?
When did I become this person that needs non-stop entertainment (passive or otherwise)?
 
Poet and Pulitzer Prize winner, Marianne Moore is quoted as saying, "One should above all, learn to be silent, to listen; to make possible promptings from on high."
I wonder, how many times have I missed that still, small voice because I was too busy doing?




Hmmm. Something to think about.

...and then there was YOU! ♥ (part two)

Norah's Birth Story: Part-Two

We got home, and my mom, Nana, had everything clean and smelling so nice! Nana Marshall and Nana Freeman made a welcome home sign for Norah Jayne and there were balloons and everything. 

I look a bit loopy in this picture... I was on pain medication. ☺

We introduced Norah to her new room. 

Girl talk...

She was all cheeks when she was first born. ♥

Now comes the less pleasant part of the story...

The point of me sharing any of this is because I desire to be authentic. Confession: I have a bad habit of glossing over things or minimizing experiences that have been painful so that I can more easily sweep them under the rug... and forget they ever happened.  I don't like the mess. I don't like the ugliness. God forbid that anyone KNOW I am not perfect... ha.ha.

But this story of Norah's birth and the things that I (a new momma) have experienced this first year are important and I don't want to write words here that paint a picture that isn’t accurate to what really happened or how I was really feeling. 

I just keep thinking that Norah will some day, by God's grace, have children of her own; she may struggle with some of the things I struggled with- I HOPE and PRAY not, but you never know.  My hope is that she will know my story and know that she is not alone. Perhaps someone reading this needs to know they are not alone.

The gut honest truth is- we all want to know that we aren't alone. There is tremendous comfort in that knowledge. 

So here goes...
The first week home with Norah I think I was in a fog. Every little cry sent me reeling with indecision. Should I pick her up, should I not? Should I rock her, should I not? Was she hungry? Was she in pain? I was exhausted, but I couldn't rest because I was totally on edge and full of worry. 


We were trying the Babywise method and I was torn because my instincts were to run to her whenever she cried; yet, I felt like if I did that I would "ruin" what we wanted to accomplish through using the Babywise method. My sister was such a big help during those times of confusion. She helped me navigate those murky waters.

Note: The Babywise method is a great tool, and though by no means is it the Holy Grail of child rearing technique, it does work. 


Second Note: It is best to throw the schedule out the window the first couple of weeks and just roll with it. 

Speaking of being helpful, my mother stayed with us the week before I gave birth and the week after. She was a big help around the house doing laundry and cooking and cleaning. I don't know what we would have done without her help. 

My husband joked that before a dirty towel could hit the laundry basket, mom had it washed and folded! That's just mom.

I have to confess... during my first week home I was tired, sore and I was having a lot of trouble breastfeeding which led to mucho frustration. To put it mildly, I was hormonal and not very pleasant to be around. But mom stuck it out and for that she should be commended.

L.O.N.G. before that first week was out it was becoming all too clear that life WAS in transition. Things WERE changing. Life would NEVER be the  same. 


There are few things that those who know me well - or too well - know about me. However, you may not know these things, so I'll just put 'em out there.

• I don't deal with change very well.
• I tend to be a pessimist, downer, killjoy, and prophetess of doom all rolled into one major party pooper.
• I like to feel like (or at least THINK) I have control.
• I have major body image issues.
• I struggle with never feeling good enough.

As you can probably imagine, having just given birth to my first born, I was faced with all of these "issues" at one time and I was NOT coping well.


Here are a few words that kind of sum up the next few months...

Exhaustion

Love

Tears

Sadness

Fear

Confusion

Joy

Failure

Guilt

Anger

Transition

Laughter

Tears

Ingratitude

Weakness

Tears

Frustration

Wonder

Anxiety
Panic Attacks

Tears

Darkness

Postpartum Depression

Prozac

Weight gain

Tears

Self-pity

Each of these words has a story. Some too painful to think about, let alone write out in excruciating detail. So I won't. I don't think I need to. I think you get it.

Please do not misunderstand- I never for one moment wished Norah away. 

But.


I did question my capability to be a good mother.

I did doubt that God knew what He was doing.

I did fear that I would somehow mess Norah up.

I did have uncertainty as to how we would be able to financially "make it."

I did wonder if I would ever feel normal again.

I did struggle with the changes in my body.

I did feel like a total failure on most days.

The negative self-talk and negative thoughts were overwhelming! 

I had so much "noise" in my mind- it was constant. Deafening.  Like a staticky radio station going at full volume. It was hard to think rationally let alone pray. 
I just held Norah and cried- A LOT.

I was a mess.

God saw and had compassion on me.

One way that I was able to find help was by seeking professional, Christian counsel. 

It *just so happens* that my husband works for a school that offers free/ low cost counseling for employees and their families. Of course, I was intimidated and embarrassed to talk to a counselor. I felt stigmatized. 

However,  I was desperate so I made the call and set up an appointment. Let me say this: of any of the benefits that GBS has to offer its employees, this is by far the greatest. 

Another way God showed his compassion for me was  by leading me across the blog of Marianne Brown who *just happened* to  be sharing about her recent struggles and victories. She mentioned that she was using a program by Jim Berg, called "Quieting a Noisy Soul"  and after asking her a few questions and talking to Kirk, I decided to purchase it. I am so glad that I did. 

The two major truths I (re)learned from this program were (taken straight from the book)-

God is always good- always. 

Which means:

• He will always meet my genuine needs- always!
• He will always forgive my sin- always!
• He is always up to something good in my life- always!
• He will always love me personally- always!
• He will always give me the grace I need- always!

God is always great- always.

Which means:

• He is always in control of ALL things- always!
• He is always present with me- always!
• He is always the same- always!
• He is always trustworthy- always!
• He is always wise in what He does- always!

The program also gives Scriptures for you to memorize that back up each of these truths. 

Never a bad idea to memorize scripture, right? 

Right. 

The objective is to know these truths so well that you are able to test every "stray thought" by them. Remember all the noise in my mind that I spoke of earlier?

Having the Truth as a filter for all my thoughts (aka: noise) sure made things a lot quieter.

I could think clearly. It was easier spot the lies and the irrational thinking. God's Word is powerful.

Even today... 

When I wonder, "What is God thinking giving me this little person to raise?"  
I remember that God is always up to something good in my life- always! And, He is always wise in what He does- always!

When I am paralyzed by fear or struggle with panic, I remember: He will always meet my genuine needs- always! He will always give me the grace I need- always! He is always in control of ALL things- always!

Truly, Norah is a blessing! 

Sure she brought dreaded "change" into my life, her arrival stirred the pot of my stagnant existence. Her arrival was the impetus that forced me to admit that I can not - try as I may - control everything in my glossy *good and perfect* world. 

Folks, that may seem like a small thing, but the compulsive need to control can lead to some terrifying places. 

And so here I am a year later. 
Still haven't lost the baby weight. 
Still mourning the loss of my glorious shoe collection due to a whole shoe size increase. 
Still me. 
But I am thankful. I am finding joy in midst.
It isn't that I've got it all figured out. I definitely do not.

It has been a YEAR and there are still a lot of  issues I am working through... 

The difference between now and before is that I AM working on them. 
I am striving to be authentic.  
I am working on replacing negative core beliefs with positive core beliefs.

I am no longer sweeping the "uglies" under the rug and pretending that everything is fine.

I am learning that God is GOOD no matter what and that I am good enough. 
I am learning that ALL things come from His hand and in EVERYTHING I am compelled to give thanks. 

I am not just working on me for... me. I am doing it for Norah too. Why?

Little Eyes Upon You

There are little eyes upon you
and they're watching night and day.
There are little ears that quickly
take in every word you say.
There are little hands all eager
to do anything you do;
And a little girl who's dreaming
of the day she'll be like you.

You're the little angel's idol,
you're the wisest of the wise.
In her little mind about you
no suspicions ever rise.
She believes in you devoutly,
holds all you say and do;
She will say and do, in your way
when she's grown up just like you.

There's a wide-eyed little girl
who believes you're always right;
and her eyes are always opened,
and she watches day and night.
You are setting an example
every day in all you do;
For the little girl who's waiting
to grow up to be like you.

Author Unknown

...I can't afford NOT to.